Monday, January 26, 2009

Job Stress and Mommy Guilt

The nanny was a no-show - Kyle stayed home and I went to work. And it's a good thing I showed up at the office (more on why in a minute). I noticed how much happier the kids were upon arriving home. Well fed, well rested. Daddy does it better than the nanny.

Claire is still gimpy but is finally putting weight on her foot. I obviously can't shake the mommy guilt. We are skipping gym class tomorrow and might do preschool but with strict orders to keep her out of "recess" time (where they run around in the gym area).

The news of the day is that my company is going through massive layoffs, and for the first time my group will be affected. I'm nervous. Very. I hear the target is three to five people in my Director's group alone. That's probably 10% or less, but just imagining who those three or five will be makes me anxious. I'm the newest kid on the block even with 2 1/2 years there, I'm reasonably well paid for my position, and, oh yeah, I work from home half the week unlike my colleagues. Think I'm on that list of potential candidates for the pink slip? Yeah, I do too. I just hope my performance speaks for itself.

So I'm having a day of intense motherhood guilt and intense job fear and the stress-related eye twitch has been nonstop since we first heard the layoff news this morning.

I'm now going to allow myself the guilty pleasure of CSI: Miami so I can try to re-focus my head away from the real life pressures.

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