Thursday, June 12, 2008

Groundhog Day

Almost a "Groundhog Day" - you know, a repeat of the same. I was knee deep in poop again today. Cleaned all 3 beds. Did multiple loads of poop laundry. Had cranky babies.

The difference was that I had the nanny here today to help. So yes, that means I gave work the raw end of the deal today because I just couldn't leave the hired help with the poop disaster. Mainly, because I'm such a germ freak, I just wanted to make sure the beds and babies and everything else got cleaned to my OCD standards when the diaper disasters occurred. So when I end up losing my job over all this flexibility of mine, I can rest easy knowing my house is free of smeared fecal matter.

I learned a few things today. Claire is an even BIGGER brat when the nanny is here and I'm also home. I'm assuming a few reasons for this: (1) she's smart enough to realize I'm pushing off her care to someone else, and she's mad at me and works even harder to get my attention with negative behavior; and (2) she's mad that I have time for 'adult conversation' with the nanny but I can't give her the same talk time. Understandable from Claire's standpoint but downright frustrating from mine. So my new realization is that Claire would like me so much better if I actually worked 5 days/week in the office (barring the financially unrealistic choice of having a stay-at-home mother, of course). This is because my WFH days have become a huge struggle and battle for us. She wants my attention ... craves the attention ... and instead I'm in the mode of 'deal with the twins' basic needs to keep them settled, tightly control Claire in a way that allows some of my job to get done, and spend as much time working as possible' rather than in the play mode. Claire just sees this as rejection and is constantly angry with me. She loves daddy right now and doesn't like me. Working from home has definitely strained my relationship with her at the moment. How sad. So for me there is no better proof that us working moms can't 'have it all' when even in my highly flexible working arrangement I'm still struggling.

Tomorrow should have been another in-home daycare playdate day for Claire, but it seems we have passed on strep to the in-home daycare lady so she is recuperating herself. That means my WFH day tomorrow will most likely be another Groundhog Day for me: more poop and a bored and frustrated 3-year-old.

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